How to Kiss
Kissing isn’t as straight forward as it seems if you’re not used to it. The skill is taken for granted by so many people that asking for advice or being unsure about appropriate technique seems almost taboo. Although everyone is different, and every partner that you have will kiss slightly differently meaning that an adaptable style is essential, here are a few tips to equip you with a quick tool belt of techniques.
1- Picking your moment- the approach. Judging when to move in for a kiss can be incredibly difficult especially if this will be a first kiss with this new potential partner. It is considered normal, and is often expected, to end a first date with a kiss, even if it hasn’t gone particularly well, so be prepared to make it, or even allow it, to happen. Nerves may very well get the better of your or your partner resulting in closed posture and chatter. This needs to be broken down through a pro-active approach. If your partner is chatting and is not allowing you a moment to lean in or make an approach, have the confidence to stop replying and engage in deep eye contact. Silence is your friend in this regards, so for the first time on this first date, you shouldn’t be thinking of something witty to respond with.
There are so many tactics and variations of approaches. I prefer to keep it simple and slow by gradually leaning in once you have your partner’s attention. Very rarely will you have the ‘Hollywood perfect moment’ allowing for everything to happen completely naturally unless you’re heavily engaged in school yard flirting and have already closed the distance through tickling or gentle, fun wrestling. I know it may seem polite, but asking for direct permission can kill the mood. If you are unsure whether the other person wants to kiss you or not, gently lean in 80% of the way tilting your head slightly to express your intent, and allow the other person to close the last 20% of the distance. Warning!- Although a gentle compliment may serve you well upon approach, it carries the risk of sounding cheesy resulting in the other person laughing and so killing the moment.
2- Engage. Be sure to have subtly swallowed any excess saliva before initiating a kiss. Engage your lips by gently pressing them against the other persons. It is not polite to simply ram your tongue down the other person’s throat. There is a basic foreplay to kissing leading up to more involved actions. Have the confidence to close your eyes.
3- Be ‘handsy’. Don’t just have your arms flopped down at your side. We have hands, so use them! Again however, it’s not polite to go grabbing at things that perhaps you may secretly wish to be grabbing at, instead use a delicate touch on your partner’s cheek, back of the neck or lower back. If you have trouble multi-tasking, simply resting your hands in these areas will suffice.
4- Encourage the kiss to develop. A peck on the lips is how you kiss your mother- do not confuse the two! Parting your lips slightly will encourage the kiss to become deeper. If confident, your partner should be able to read this sign and should mimic this action, if less confident, you may need to encourage further through gently pressing your tongue against the inside of their lips. Your partner should now take this as a signal to ‘French kiss’- although the French are passionate people, they pride themselves with their ability to romance, so do not disrespect this tradition through clumsy slurping, tonguing and eating your partner’s face. If your partner still needs encouragement, I find that placing a hand gently on the side of the chin may literally pry them open enough for you to take the lead further.
5- ‘French kissing’. In general, you are attempting to gently massage your partner’s tongue with your own. More involved and heavily stylistic, this is where you’ll find vast differences in the way that people kiss. Some people are less intrusive with their tongues and fairly static preferring a lighter touch, whereas others may turn this kiss into a full blown party into your mouth. However which way your partner goes about kissing, you will inevitably meet in the middle of styles, but to do this, you need to be adaptable. A few rules; Feel your partner’s rhythm. If they’re trying to slow down, pay attention to this; French kissing is like dancing with the instigator of the encounter taking the lead, be prepared to be led; take time to breath, look into each other’s eyes etc, keep the romance in your kiss!; if you feel a build-up of saliva in you mouth, swallow before it’s too late and you end up drooling.
6- Retract. At various points in the kiss, or at the close of business, you will need to retract. At a natural end, gently ease away first before opening your eyes. Maintain eye contact and hand to body contact as you ease away.
7- DO NOT THANK THE OTHER PERSON FOR THE KISS! That’s just super weird!
Be aware of your social setting. Some people are uncomfortable with overt displays of public affection. If unsure or kissing for this new person for the first time, initiate the kiss in a reasonably private setting. Similarly, some outsiders looking in may also not be comfortable seeing two people sucking on each other’s faces, be respectful of this.