How to Make Out
Making out isn’t as straight forward as it seems if you’re not used to it. The skills are taken for granted by so many people that asking for advice or being unsure about appropriate technique seems almost taboo. Although everyone is different, and every partner that you have will kiss, cuddle, and make out slightly differently meaning that an adaptable style is essential, here are a few tips to equip you with a quick tool belt of techniques.
1- Pick your moment- the approach. Judging when to move in for a kiss can be incredibly difficult especially if this will be a first kiss with this new potential partner. It is considered normal, and is often expected, to end a first date with a kiss, even if it hasn’t gone particularly well, so be prepared to make it, or even allow it, to happen. Nerves may very well get the better of your or your partner resulting in closed posture and chatter. This needs to be broken down through a pro-active approach. If your partner is chatting and is not allowing you a moment to lean in or make an approach, have the confidence to stop replying and engage in deep eye contact. Silence is your friend in this regards, so for the first time on this first date, you shouldn’t be thinking of something witty to respond with. Be sure to get permission for before you make any type of contact.
There are so many tactics and variations of approaches. I prefer to keep it simple and slow by gradually leaning in once you have your partner’s attention. Very rarely will you have the ‘Hollywood perfect moment’ allowing for everything to happen completely naturally unless you’re heavily engaged in school yard flirting and have already closed the distance through tickling or gentle, fun wrestling. NEVER ASK PERMISSION TO KISS SOMEONE! I know it may seem polite, but it is far from attractive and will most likely kill the mood. If you are unsure whether the other person wants to kiss you or not, gently lean in 80% of the way tilting your head slightly to express your intent, and allow the other person to close the last 20% of the distance. Warning!- Although a gentle compliment may serve you well upon approach, it carries the risk of sounding cheesy resulting in the other person laughing and so killing the moment.
2- Engage. Be sure to have subtly swallowed any excess saliva before initiating a kiss. Engage your lips by gently pressing them against the other persons. It is not polite to simply ram your tongue down the other person’s throat. There is a basic foreplay to kissing leading up to more involved actions. Have the confidence to close your eyes.
3- Be ‘handsy’. Don’t just have your arms flopped down at your side. We have hands, so use them! Again however, it’s not polite to go grabbing at things that perhaps you may secretly wish to be grabbing at, instead use a delicate touch on your partner’s cheek, back of the neck or lower back. If you have trouble multi-tasking, simply resting your hands in these areas will suffice. Stroke the hair lightly with the tips of your fingers.
4- Encourage the kiss to develop. A peck on the lips is how you kiss your mother- do not confuse the two! Parting your lips slightly will encourage the kiss to become deeper. If confident, your partner should be able to read this sign and should mimic this action, if less confident, you may need to encourage further through gently pressing your tongue against the inside of their lips. Your partner should now take this as a signal to ‘French kiss’- although the French are passionate people, they pride themselves with their ability to romance, so do not disrespect this tradition through clumsy slurping, tonguing and eating your partner’s face. If your partner still needs encouragement, I find that placing a hand gently on the side of the chin may literally pry them open enough for you to take the lead further.
5- Try ‘french kissing’. In general, you are attempting to gently massage your partner’s tongue with your own. More involved and heavily stylistic, this is where you’ll find vast differences in the way that people kiss. Some people are less intrusive with their tongues and fairly static preferring a lighter touch, whereas others may turn this kiss into a full blown party in your mouth. However which way your partner goes about kissing, you will inevitably meet in the middle of styles, but to do this, you need to be adaptable. A few rules; Feel your partner’s rhythm. If they’re trying to slow down, pay attention to this; French kissing is like dancing with the instigator of the encounter taking the lead, be prepared to be led; take time to breath, look into each other’s eyes etc, keep the romance in your kiss!; if you feel a build-up of saliva in you mouth, swallow before it’s too late and you end up drooling.
6- Kiss the neck gently. Light kisses on the neck towards the collar bone are a great way to make up the gaps in kissing.
7- Break for hugs and eye contact. These are very important for developing the relationship.
8- Be careful kissing (or tonguing) ears. Although it can be very pleasurable for your partner, be aware that breathing etc will be incredibly loud directly in their ear. If your partner enjoys having their ear lobes nibbled, or their ears lightly lapped at with your tongue, be sure to not breathe in or out whilst doing so.
9- Keep the atmosphere light and playful. There may be slightly awkward moments but keep smiling. Be careful of being overly jokey however, as this may make your partner feel insecure.
10- To encourage more passion in your making out, firm your grip slightly, especially around the waist, and pull your partner closer towards you. Do not move too aggressively however, as you will run the risk of banging teeth or heads.
11- Engage your hips. Things may progress to ‘dry humping’ where you are rubbing your intimate areas against each other through your clothes. Be aware that this suggests progression and may encourage further exploration.
12- If invited, explore more sensitive areas with your fingers. Make sure that your touch is light and gentle as some people may not enjoy heavy contact. Avoid internal contact for his very reason.
13- Retract. At various points in making out, or at the close of business, you will need to retract. At a natural end, gently ease away first before opening your eyes. Maintain eye contact and hand to body contact as you ease away.
Be aware of your social setting. Some people are uncomfortable with overt displays of public affection. If unsure or making out with this new person for the first time, initiate the encounter in a reasonably private setting. Similarly, some outsiders looking in may also not be comfortable seeing two people sucking on each other’s faces, be respectful of this.
Know how far you’re willing to let things develop before engaging in making out. If you are uncomfortable with how quickly things are progressing, be sure to let your partner know.
Let your partner know what feels good, even if it’s a quiet sigh. Avoid rolling your eyes, it’s generally perceived as being unattractive.
Communicate. Open communication about what is/is not acceptable or what does/doesn’t feel good may feel strange at first, but once this hurdle is overcome, you will learn much more about your partner and making out.