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How to Be Charismatic

How to Be Charismatic

  1. Love yourself
  2. Have energy
  3. Be interesting
  4. Act confidently
  5. Keep eye contact but don’t stare!
  6. Avoid putting others down
  7. Be aware of your tone of voice
  8. Flirt
  9. Chivalry
  10. Find balance in allure
  11. Share jokes


“The Game” by Neil Strauss

The Game is the gospel for men wishing to pick up women. It is THE original mass marketed text and sings home many unspoken truisms. Use with caution, care, and sensitivity towards women’s feelings.

Learn how to instantly gain rapport with new people that you meet. Neuro-linguisic programming is a skill that all socialisers should learn and I couldn’t recommend any texts on the matter more highly.

Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies

How to Be Charismatic

Want to be super interesting like all those guys who seem to simply just know how to be charismatic? With a little practice and planning, you can establish yourself as being Mr Charisma himself. Although this is easier done with new people that you meet (as you’re not already roll set), there is something to be said for practising these skills with new people and then slowly applying them to your older relationships.

Photo Credit: Designlazy.com


1- Love yourself

As hippie as that sounds, what I really mean is start by assessing your image. Are you ‘well kept’? Are you overly niching possible relationships due to adopting a particular style that may be unattractive to certain groups of women? Do you smell good? Are your clothes ironed? Are you in shape? Although correctly answering to all of these questions will make you physically more appealing, having made an effort towards this end will also naturally fill you with more confidence- something that is key to appeal.

2- Have energy

Be interesting, be active, be creative, be quietly different (although don’t be bouncing off the walls- find balance!). Being multi-faceted in this way will generate intrigue. They will naturally want to get to know you better.

3- Be interesting.

Take part in a wide range of activities and make an attempt to try new things. Although you can act like you’re interesting, it’s much easier to be interesting when there are many activities that you busy yourself with.

4- Act confidently.

Acting confidently is just that- Acting! Whether you are naturally confident or not isn’t the most important issue, what is important however, is appearing confident. If you are having to ‘act’ however, be sure not to be over the top as this will put off many people. ‘Quietly confident’ is a nice balance- smile, hold eye contact, move assertively, do not second guess what you say as you say it, but take time over your words, this will naturally hold their attention. Things will only ever be as uncomfortable as you make it!

5- Lean people’s names when you meet them for the first time and then be genuinely interested in them. Make them feel that they are incredibly important to you. Use their name in conversation and have them talk about themselves. Should you ask questions gently and without prying, the other person will subconsciously feel like they need to impress you, giving you the edge in the interaction. Listen to the words they use. Do they “feel” or “think” about things i.e. “I feel like my job is good for me” as appose to “I think that my job is good for me”? Are they ’kinaesthetic’ with how they communicate i.e. are they moving their hands a lot to gesture? Adopt your manner of conversation and the way that you ask questions in order to mirror their responses. This will immediately build rapport.

6- Keep eye contact but don’t stare!

Once you have their attention, hold eye contact. Eye contact is an incredibly powerful tool in enticing interest, however be aware that too much eye contact can be unnerving. 80% of conversation is non-verbal. Face the person, keep an open posture, gesture gently towards them, touch their elbow in passing (suggests a sign of trust)- physically engage them in your conversation.

7- Avoid putting others down

‘Bitching’, complaining and general negativity is very unattractive so don’t do it. Although you may feel that you are gaining common ground by sharing a dislike for someone of something, mutual negativity is something that is only shared by established friends (even in this context, charismatic people tend to avoid participating in such discussions). Keep the energy good for your character to be received well. Don’t be critical. Positivity is attractive, negativity unattractive!

8- Be aware of your tone of voice.

Your voice should be confident yet gentle and calm. Don’t use slang, deliberate over your words, articulate, be heard and speak clearly.

9- Flirt

Flirting is something that should be done with either sexes. Flirting doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to sleep with them! Keep conversation fun, and make subtle yet un-invasive contact whenever possible. Should be trying to entice a woman, test the water by starting to throw out low-level “bait” i.e. subtle jokes that hint at sexual interest. A good baiting statement should be un-intrusive, playful, and fairly ambiguous. She will hopefully reciprocate with the same kind of “Baiting” so pay attention to what she says! Make it clear through a cheeky smile (or similar) that you have understood any subtle messages of this type that she may have sent you. Wait for her to continue conversation.

10- Chivalry

Open doors for them, be well mannered, don’t curse too often, offer to carry bags etc etc. Just because chivalry is old fashioned it doesn’t mean it’s not an attractive quality!!

11- Find balance in allure.

Unfortunately, people naturally covet something that is ever so slightly beyond their reach, and so hence the popular used tactic of ‘playing hard to get’. Although there is merit in this approach, be very careful with it and only employ it when appropriate i.e. if you told a person that you’d call at a certain time, don’t neglect to call at all! Over use of this tactic will make you look like a bad person who is not interested in developing a relationship.

12- Share jokes.

Find common ground in jokes that you two can share. Personal comedy will help strengthen a developing bond.


Part of being charismatic is about being Empathetic. Know how a person is feeling and adjust the way that you address them accordingly.

Compliments should be delivered in a soft tone in running with the tone that you have delivered the rest of your conversation. Practice and record your compliments and then play them back until you get it right.

Try not to swear.


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