How to Talk to a Girl You Like for the First Time

Having a crush on a young (or old) lady, inevitably results in nerves on your behalf. It is therefore very natural to find it difficult to initiate conversation with them. The key to overcoming such an issue is confidence. ‘Acting confidently’ is just that, ‘acting’!

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Steps

1- Get her attention. Depending on the setting this can take many forms, but the key here is moderation. Act confidently but do not be over the top with your attention seeking. Even if you are not a very confident person, you can still ‘act’ confidently. In the first circumstance it is useful if you can get noticed without her realising that you are trying to attract her attention as, unfortunately, it is base human nature to want what you can’t have. Being slightly mysterious in the initial stages of courtship can go a long way further down the line. Wearing bright colours (“Peacocking”) is a subtle approach to this (although don’t go over the top!).

2- Initiate eye contact. Once you have her attention begin initiating eye contact. Eye contact is an incredibly powerful tool in enticing interest, however be aware that spending too much time in this phase can make an approach much harder and sometimes quite uncomfortable.

3- Interact ‘accidentally’. Find some way for your first interaction with her to be purely accidental, or failing that, natural. Perhaps be behind her in the queue for the canteen or vending machine. Be patient for the right moment and then make a positive passing comment or humorous observation. 

4- Do not have a planned topic of conversation as this will suggest that you will be doing all the talking. We have two ears and one mouth- use them in that order. Once you’ve engaged her in chatter, smile confidently and stay conversationally nimble.

5- Do your homework! Chat about something that you know she’s passionate about, and respond with something that you’re passionate about. People like to talk about what excites them, and being passionate about something is an incredibly attractive quality.

6- Ask open ended questions i.e. questions that can’t be answered with just a yes or a no. This will encourage her to chat more, alleviating the burden of you having to think of things to say.

7- Stay out of the friend zone. Whether on a night out or developing this relationship in college/high school, if the proceedings are not carefully managed, it is far too easy to fall into the ‘friend zone’. Keep conversation fun and flirty (but not sleazy), and make subtle yet un-invasive contact whenever possible. Slight moments of discomfort and pauses in conversation are good as they keep the nature of the conversation flirtatious. In these brief moments, do not make it look like you’re trying to think of conversation, instead fill them with an action such as ordering drinks, or even making a compliment. Test the water by starting to throw out low-level “bait” i.e. subtle jokes that hint at sexual interest. A good baiting statement should be un-intrusive, playful, and fairly ambiguous. She will hopefully reciprocate with the same kind of “Baiting” so pay attention to what she says! Make it clear through a cheeky smile (or similar) that you have understood any subtle messages of this type that she may have sent you. Wait for her to continue conversation.

8- Put a time limit on the conversation. Do not rush, but after a couple of minutes you should make a polite excuse for you to leave believe conversation dries up. 

9- Encourage further interactions, naturally lengthening your conversations. After a few interactions it may be appropriate to ask if she’d like to ‘hang out sometime’, or ‘go grab a coffee’.

Tips

Take a look at ‘How to have a great conversation’ for some further conversational tips.