How to Pass a Drugs Test
Very simply, don’t take drugs! If you have been caught slightly unaware after a hedonistic weekend however, and are prepared for the consequences (perhaps legal; MGTE accept no responsibility for your actions by the way) of cheating a drugs test, here are a few ideas.
1) Know the legislation. How much notice is your employer legally obliged to give you regarding administering a drug test? Are they legally allowed to observe you taking a test? What are the legal implications of cheating a drug test and being caught? What does your contract say regarding the issue? What are the implications of refusing to take a drug test? MGTE will not take responsibility for your choice to break the law.
2) Pass a urine test. Firstly, avoid advice to ‘spike’ or ‘mask’ the urine sample with nitrates or similar. Drug test technology has progressed from being fooled by these methods and will be detected, leading you to fail your test and face the consequences of being caught trying to cheat. Similarly, diluting the sample with toilet water or over hydrating (which is also very dangerous) will raise suspicion and perhaps result in a more sensitive retest.
The best option is to substitute your urine for a synthetic or that of a friend’s (one who doesn’t take drugs and is of the same sex as you). Synthetic urine comes in liquid or powdered forms (it may be illegal to buy this in some places. Again, know the legislation. Also, governmental tests i.e. military service, test for synthetic substances), whereas if your using natural urine from a friend, keep it refrigerated and use within 48 hours otherwise it will off colour. Whichever method you use, the sample must be delivered warm. Using “The whizzinator” (google it) will allow you to dispense the liquid without suspicion.
3) Passing a hair test. As 50-80 strands of hair are needed, measuring more than 1 inch long, shave your head! If you have no head hair, they will look elsewhere on your body, so shave there as well! With regards to passing hair tests, which are very sensitive and can pick up drug use from months prior to the test, there is little other option than to shave.
4) Passing a saliva test. Saliva tests are the new most popular method of on the spot testing as they can be administered and analysed very quickly whilst under supervision. Detection of chemicals in saliva begins immediately after use: Opiates-up to 2 to 3 days, Methamphetamine and ecstasy (MDMA) up to 2 to 3 days, Benzodiazepines- up to 2 to 3 days, Marijuana- up to 24 hours depending on use, Cocaine- up to 2 to 3 days.
First of all, try to avoid the test- be creative, but if this is not possible you can minimise the effectiveness of the test by rubbing the pad on your teeth rather than your cheek and gums. You are then supposed to rest the pad between your cheek and gums for a further two minutes, but instead, hold it between your teeth.
If caught unawares, rather than refusing to take the test (which may result in you losing your job), deliberately fail to show your I.D. at the lab. This will result in a delay and allow you the opportunity to deliberate over another solution.
In the US, state laws vary and can often change. Your trade organization, your state government or an employment lawyer will be able to inform you of local legislation.