How to ask a girl out
We’re all different and so are the objects of our desire, making a fool proof guide to asking a girl out would be impossible to write. There are some basic tips however, that will set you on the right path. Remember, only adopt this advice in a way that works for both you and the situation.
1- Get her attention. Depending on the setting this can take many forms, but the key here is moderation. Act confidently but to not be over the top with your attention seeking. Even if you are not a very confident person, you can still ‘act’ confidently. In the first circumstance it is useful if you can get noticed without her realising that you are trying to attract her attention as, unfortunately, it is base human nature to want what you can’t have. Being slightly mysterious in the initial stages of courtship can go a long way further down the line. Wearing bright colours (“Peacocking”) is a subtle approach to this.
2- Initiate contact. Once you have her attention begin initiating eye contact. Eye contact is an incredibly powerful tool in enticing interest, however be aware that spending too much time in this phase can make an approach much harder and sometimes quite uncomfortable. Once you have made eye contact, make an introduction. Introductions ‘out of the blue’ may seem a little alien to most people so if you can be introduced by a friend who knows her already, this could be useful. If you are making an introduction ‘from scratch’, be forward and confident. Things will only ever be as uncomfortable as you make it! Providing that you are not sleazy with your approach, smile, and have not prefixed the introduction with eye contact that has been going on for way too long, at the very least the introduction will be politely received (if it’s not then the young lady in question is most likely not worth your time). Providing you have followed step 1 and have judged he situation well, conversation should develop. Try and let the young lady talk whilst you carefully listen, as remaining attentive yet still mysterious (i.e. you haven’t divulged your life story un-prompted), paints you in more attractive light.
3- Stay out of the friend zone. Whether on a night out or developing this relationship in college, if the proceedings are not carefully managed, it is far too easy to fall into the ‘friend zone’. Keep conversation fun and flirty (but not sleazy), and make subtle yet un-invasive contact whenever possible. Slight moments of discomfort and pauses in conversation are good as they keep the nature of the conversation flirtatious. In these brief moments, do not make it look like you’re trying to think of conversation, instead fill them with an action such as ordering drinks, or even making a compliment. Test the water by starting to throw out low-level “bait” i.e. subtle jokes that hint at sexual interest. A good baiting statement should be un-intrusive, playful, and fairly ambiguous. She will hopefully reciprocate with the same kind of “Baiting” so pay attention to what she says! Make it clear through a cheeky smile (or similar) that you have understood any subtle messages of this type that she may have sent you. Wait for her to continue conversation.
4- Make the move. Unless in a night club or in the spur of the moment, it is not appropriate to move in for a kiss at this stage. Usual social protocol suggests that you as the young lady out on a date. Although you may not wish to use such language, make sure that the request is delivered in a manner whereby the lady cannot misinterpret the request as 2 friends meeting up. Something like: “Would you like to go out sometime” is simple, straight forward, and to the point. Don’t beat around the bush! Be confident in your delivery of the question, just as if you were enquiring into her favourite colour. Smile in the silence as she formulates a response and do not offer her an alternative.
5- When on a date, keep conversation fun and flirtatious, and look for moments when contact could be considered appropriate. Being tactile with a girl that you wish to become more familiar with will begin to build the bridge towards a romantic relationship. Be sure with the contact that you are making. Again, things will only ever be as uncomfortable as you make them!
6- Move in for the kiss (see How to Kiss)
Although communication is key to relationships, some things are best left unspoken i.e. the mystery and allure of flirting with someone should not be ruined by raising the issue verbally.
If you have fallen into the friends zone, you may be less inclined to act on feelings that you have towards them (for fear of ‘losing a friend’) and this will certainly cloud your judgement on whether they like you back. I honestly feel that it is better to act on your feeling if unsure. If you act but they do not reciprocate these romantic feelings towards you, a good friend will always get over this in comparatively little time and your friendship will be much less damaged than what it would have been if you had simply swept all of these feelings under the carpet.